Thank you for being a true conservative. Blue bloods across the nation were united in voting for us to serve another term. There is no red flowing through our veins, the mere suggestion would imply a communist ideology. That could lead to a lengthy term in prison for you!

With much sadness we have to iNform you all that despite his best efforts Mr. Cameron will be resigning his position as party leader, and your elected Prime Minister due to foreign matters. David would like to take this opportunity to add that rumours of his pre political sexual liaison with a British Saddleback Pig are totally unfounded. Further slurs of this nature will result in liable lawsuits, so please refrain.

- CLiCK THERE FOR MiNUS THE iN?FO

Winamp windows Media Player Real Player QuickTime HEAR HERE Dare to question your Ex Prime Minister? +44 (0) 20 7222 9000

Here is who we iNitially hoped would lead us to a bluer future......iNstead we opted for real females. One woman has tickled our fancy iN? Particular.